It happens every time.

Whenever I get some time off, I immediately think of all the things I have to get done during my time off.  I want to be organized—knowing that organization is key to any successful endeavor—so I create it.

The List.

It does not come into being quickly.  The List takes time. It must be carefully thought out, organized, prioritized.  The list is fluid, growing and evolving through the first hours and days of freedom.  One does not simply jot The List down on a scrap of paper with pencil or pen or crayon—no, Friend, that would be unworthy of such a document.  The list must be crafted on the computer, because computers are important and efficient.  Things happen when you use a computer.  Things like checking Facebook and playing solitaire, which appear frivolous but are, in fact, essential to the free flow of ideas and inspiration.

One must consider all aspects of life when creating The List.   There are household issues—cleaning, organizing, repairing.  For example, #35 on my current list reads, “Reclaim garage from a year of neglect and failed projects.” There are family items, like “Have quality time with kids,” and “Reclaim marriage from a year of neglect and failed projects.”  Then of course we have personal goals covering things like writing (#2, “Write a bunch of blog posts so that I’m not always three days behind and writing in a blind panic,”) and exercise (#17, “Reclaim body from a year of neglect and failed projects.”)

It is crucial to develop the list carefully, because it will define my time off.  I have to see, in great detail, just what I will fail to accomplish during my vacation.  You see, there is a very powerful, predictable pattern at work whenever I make a list.  For example, let’s say that I have a week off, and the list already created.  The days will go something like this:

Day 1 Rest, sleep in my chair, and read fluff.  After all, God commands us to rest, and I wouldn’t want to upset him right at the beginning of my vacation.

Day 2 Accomplish many things that are not on the list.  These would be things like laundry and dishes, which do not have to be done today, but will give me a sense of quick gratification at my ability to accomplish.

Day 3 Go to the hardware store and buy lots of materials with which to attack the most difficult, and least likely to be accomplished, item on The List.  Like, say, “Build an underground bomb shelter/game room.”

Day 4 Admit that the weather, geological conditions, and my general lack of skills and training render the Day 3 project undoable.  Go play, because, hey you can’t work all the time, right?

Day 5 Make one of the phone calls on the phone call section of The List.  Leave a message.  Retire to my chair for many hours while waiting for the phone call to be returned, because I wouldn’t want to miss that important call while I was off doing something else.  That would be inefficient.

Day 6 Realize that my vacation is almost over and that I have accomplished nothing of value.  Check The List to verify that elves have not come in the night to finish everything on my behalf.  “Pad” The List with items I would have done anyway—like “trim toenails”—to create the impression that I am really a powerhouse.  Do the heavy mental lifting to conclude that, if I worked nonstop for the remainder of my time off, I could not achieve half of what is on The List.  Get twitchy and frustrated and take said frustration out in passive aggressive attacks on my family, prompting them to dream of the day I go back to work.

Day 7 One of two things happens at this point.  Either I continue in the path of frustration and stress, causing my family to devise plans for an “accident” to claim the insurance money, or I get a grip.  Getting a grip involves looking at Scripture and reading passages such as

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9.

And

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.”  Why, you don’t even know what will happen tomorrow…Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:13-15

Should I refrain from making lists?  No, it’s good for me to plan and try to use my time effectively.  But I need to remember that The List is not The Lord.  It’s OK if I don’t get it all done; in fact, it’s guaranteed that I won’t.  (As my son points out, I add two things to The List for every one that I cross off.)

What I need to do is remember that my time is His time.  Every day, every moment is a gift, and I should spend it accordingly.  That might eliminate a little of the fluff, and help me to accomplish what is really important.

Like solitaire…I’m getting really good at solitaire…