Category: Dad Stuff

  • A Letter to My Children About Homosexuality

    heartsHey Kids,

    There has been a lot of hullabaloo in the news lately over same sex marriage.  Many people–even some Christians–are lauding the recent Supreme Court ruling as a triumph for equality.  The slogan “Love Wins” is, basically, everywhere.  Those who oppose gay marriage are responding, at times with malice.  In most arenas, sober, mature discussion has been blasted aside by venom and sarcasm.  At the ripe old age of sixteen, you may find it tough to navigate your way through a society that so strongly disagrees with what you’ve been taught.

    Maybe I can help.

    It will come as no shock to you that I don’t have all the answers.

    But I do have a few.

    Maybe four.

    Here they are.

    1. God says that homosexuality is wrong.

    Yes, he does.  As people of God, you can’t back away from that fact.

    Now, there are three kinds of folks you might find yourself in a conversation with on this subject.  The first is the Christian who agrees with you.  Don’t argue with this guy.  He’s already on your side.  The second is the person who doesn’t believe in God, or who doesn’t trust the Bible.  Frankly, there’s not much you’re going to say that will convince him that homosexuality is sin.  At the moment, he has bigger spiritual fish to fry.  We’ll talk more about him in a bit.

    It’s the third guy you need to be ready for.  He is under the deception that homosexuality isn’t really a sin.  He may have weak contextual arguments from Scripture; he may simply argue that God is a fan of love in any and all forms.  This guy is dangerous.  And he is wrong.

    Genesis 19.  Sodom and Gomorrah.  You know the story.  It’s the text that most people go to when addressing this subject, and for good reason.  God destroys two entire cities for rampant sin…the sin of homosexuality.  Jude confirms this in his letter to the believers, and 2 Peter addresses it as well.  In Romans, Paul declares homosexuality to be unnatural, and a result of Man’s abandonment of God.  And, of course, in Leviticus God clearly calls homosexuality “detestable.”

    Yes, there are people who will argue with all of these examples, but frankly their arguments don’t hold up to a straightforward reading of the text and the application of some good old common sense.  Don’t take my word–or anyone else’s–for it–study the Scripture for yourself.

    Let God be true, and every man a liar (Romans 3:4).

    1. The World doesn’t want to hear it.

    When I was in college, a buddy and I decided to campaign for the office of God.  We argued that there should be term limits on deity, and that the time had come for fresh ideas.

    We were joking…mostly.

    The fact of it is, though we didn’t realize it, we were demonstrating a pretty ancient mindset. In Genesis, God said, “Let us make man in our image.”  For the rest of history, man has been saying, “Let us make God in our image.”  You see, most people don’t really believe that God exists–not as an actual person.  They see him as a philosophy, a societal construct that we use to teach right and wrong. As such, God can be reinvented, or thrown out entirely, to suit the current fashion.  That’s why you hear phrases like, “Well, I could never believe in a God that…”  Seriously, can you imagine any real person you would discuss like that?  “I could never believe in a Grandmother who was a terrible cook.”  Really?  I had one.  Your lack of belief did not make your great-granny’s Imitation Crab Casserole any less nasty, or my indigestion any less uncomfortable.

    In the absence of a God who is a real person, people are free to make up their own rules.  Society becomes one giant game of Calvinball.

    1. Following God will not make you popular

    If you choose to believe the God of the Bible when it comes to the issue of homosexuality–or any other issue, for that matter–you will encounter grief.  Just gird your loins and get ready for it.  I don’t say this lightly.  You are my kids, and I would love to protect you from every hurt and have the world adore you.  I would choose to see you lauded for your strength and grace and intelligence and Godly character.  But if you stand for truth–and I pray that you do–that ain’t gonna happen.

    People will laugh at you.

    People will call you hateful.

    People will insult your intelligence.

    People will ignore your arguments and attack your person.

    It will hurt.  It will be frustrating.  It will make you want to back down, to make nice and let everyone think you’re spiffy.  But you can not.  You must not.  Because…

    1. You have an enemy…but he isn’t gay.

    When someone ignores the truth, when someone mocks God, when someone attacks you for your beliefs, it is easy to see him as an enemy.

    But he’s not your enemy.

    He’s the guy you’re here to rescue.

    Look, I’m no fan of the “victim” mentality, but the fact is that homosexuals are victims.  They have been lied to and preyed upon by society, by politicians, and by the Father of Lies himself–Satan.

    What lies, you ask?  Well, one of them–that God does not call homosexuality sin–we’ve already talked about.  But there is another, even more prevalent issue you need to be ready to address, and it goes like this: Homosexuality is not a choice; people are born that way.  You can’t condemn people for doing what is natural for them.

    Two things:  First, the evidence is still not conclusive–not even close–that homosexuality is genetic, so that argument doesn’t hold as much water as it might.  But what if it is?  What if, just for the sake of discussion, we say that homosexuality is genetic?  Well, then we get to Second.  Second: just because something comes naturally does not make it right, moral, or good.  We live in a fallen world.  The effects of the fall reach even to the genetic level.  There is an established genetic predisposition towards all sorts of addictions, but we don’t encourage the alcoholic, the meth user, or the gambler to “do what comes naturally” to them.  In fact, we encourage them to stand firm and fight their addiction, to transcend the grip of sin in their lives.  We call them, with the help of the Holy Spirit and their brothers and sisters in Christ, to overcome.

    A Christian who is caught up in homosexuality just might be convinced by biblical arguments to leave the lifestyle.  The unbeliever?  Highly unlikely.  So how do you rescue those who don’t see a need for rescue?

    You pray for them.  Not at them, not about them, but for them.  You stand up for them against the rulers and powers of this dark world, against the true enemy of whom they are unaware.

    You listen to them.  Each is a person, not just a sinner.  Each has his or her own story, their own personal struggle.  Treat them accordingly.

    You stand with them.  Don’t lower the bar of righteousness, but don’t beat them with it, either.  How would you respond to a friend who was cutting, or drinking, or cheating, or skipping out on God?  You would tell them the truth, wrapped in love.

    You know, kinda like Jesus did.

     

    I know I’ve droned on for a while here, and there are still plenty of questions I haven’t addressed.  But, like with every aspect of this Dad thing, I’m doing what I can.  Frankly, I would rather wrap you both up in bubble wrap and keep you from all that is dark and warped and icky in the world.  But that’s not what I signed on for when I promised God to raise you for Him.  And I know that is not what would bring you real joy.  Instead, I pray that you will continue to grow, confident in your faith and in your ability to share that faith with a sad and aching world.

    I love you.

  • Manliosityhood

    elephantSeussical, the show my family has been a part of this summer, is coming to a close.  The experience has already produced some pithy paternal parental ponderings that I have passed to my progeny to preserve for posterity.

    But wait…there’s more.  This one’s for my boy.

    Hey Boyo,

    One of the scariest jobs in Fatherdom is raising children to be emotionally stable grownups.  So I, who was raised in a house of women, need to somehow steer my way through the dense fog of estrogen to teach my boy how to be a man.  And not just any man, but a man of God.

    Good luck, Kid. (more…)

  • The Heart of Beauty

    elephantMy daughter and I are in a production of Seussical the Musical at LifeHouse, our local community theater and secondary—some weeks primary—home.  

    Another open letter to my beautiful girl…

     

    Hey, Lovely

    One of the many ways that you make my life rich is that you nudge me to do things that I would not normally do.

    Case in point: Seussical the Musical.

    I mean, seriously—a musical based on fever-induced hallucinations?  Why?

    Well, now I know. Thanks for the nudge, Kiddo.

    I’ve said before that every great story is a reflection of the Great Story of God’s love for us.  That holds true here.  If you keep your eyes and heart open, you can learn great truths, even from an elephant and a few birds.

    Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).

    Gertrude is a bird in love with an elephant.  This fact presents more problems than we have space to deal with here, so let’s just focus on what she sees as the biggest issue—he doesn’t notice her.  Gertrude assumes that Horton is not interested because of her looks (it never seems to occur to her that he might, I don’t know, be more interested in she-elephants).  As you know, Gertrude is a rather plain-looking little bird with “A one-feather tail.”  She decides that she needs a little help, so she follows the advice of Mayzie, a beautiful but ultimately empty creature.  Mayzie sends Gertrude to a doctor, where the glamor, attention, and, ultimately love that she craves is “All for sale.” Convinced that this will win her Horton’s attention, Gertrude gets the Seuss version of plastic surgery to augment her assets.

    She buys the lie—and nearly ruins everything.

    Ding ding ding goes the irony bell.  Gertrude is not interested in Horton because of his looks.  She tells us that she fell for him when she noticed his, “kind and powerful heart.”  And yet she assumes that Horton will only be interested in her if she looks the right way.

    Hmmm…

    You see—oh, please tell me you see this—Gertrude’s new tail wasn’t really Gertrude at all.  Sure it looked good, but it was too big to allow her to fly.  It took away more than it gave.  The price Gertrude paid for beauty was a loss of her identity.  She became “beautiful” in the eyes of the world, but she was no longer Gertrude.

    Baby Girl, don’t ever fall into the lie of thinking that you have to be something else in order to be attractive.  First of all, if you go that route, you will never be satisfied.  If you think thin is pretty, you’ll never be thin enough.  If you think blonde is pretty—though you know I prefer redheads—there will never be hair color enough.  If you think taller, or shorter, is what you need, there will never be heels high enough or flats flat enough to make you who you think you need to be.

    Which brings me to the Second of all.  You are hand-formed by the God of the Universe, and he has made you to be exactly the girl you are.   Your size, your shape, your skin, your hair, your eyes, were all designed by the One who loves you most and knows you best. You are perfect in his sight—why mess with perfection? If you had moles the size of cows or an extra nostril—OK, we might get those fixed, but you see where I’m going here.

    Now, am I saying that you can’t use a little makeup, or wear pretty clothes?  Am I saying that girls who are not blessed with red hair can’t try a little color, just for fun?  No.  But be aware of why you make…augmentations.

    Is it because it makes you feel pretty, and it’s fun to look your best?  Great.

    Is it because maybe this dress, these shoes, this makeup, this diet, will get you the attention you desperately crave?

    Dangerous.

    Color me Crazy-Dad, but today’s diet leads to tomorrow’s eating disorder, if it’s done for the wrong reasons. Today’s makeup becomes tomorrow’s plastic surgery.  Today’s loss of self will be tomorrow’s despair.

    Horton, of course, finally notices Gertrude.  However, it doesn’t happen until after she has ditched the new tail—a painful process—and returned to being herself.  It’s the inner person—brave, selfless, giving—that wins the pachyderm’s passionate praise.

    That’s the last thing I want to point out to you today.  Horton sees the real Gertrude—it takes a little while, but he sees her—and he loves her.  He’s not concerned with what she “lacks.”  He’s not concerned with how she looks.  He loves her heart.

    Hear me, Daughter of My Heart.  If you ever feel pressured to change who you are for the love of a man, then he is not the man for you.  The man who tries to change you into someone else is not worth having.  Bring him to me, and I will teach him to look at a person’s insides…starting with his own.

    The man worth having will be looking for what is in your heart.  He will see you as Christ sees you, and love you as Christ loves you.  Find that man, and bring him to me…and I’ll let you know.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Peacemaker

    I do this every year.Peace

    Summer comes, and I have great masses of time.  I also have a goal—usually grand and life-changing—that I will accomplish with the aforementioned masses of time.  I make my list, get my priorities in order, and then proceed to fill my masses of time with items completely unrelated to my goal.  The end of summer approaches, and I find that I have done much, but accomplished little.  And my big goal?  Usually untouched.

    And then I get stressed.

    And then the people I love get stressed.

    Not my favorite pattern, but at least it’s predictable. (more…)

  • Holding Tight…Letting Go

    I remember teaching you to ride a bicycle.  You were so scared, theHands bicycle so big.  It was, in truth, a tiny machine, long since sold at a yard sale. On that morning, however,  it was your Goliath to conquer, your stallion to tame and to claim.  

    “Deeda, hold on tight.  You won’t let go, will you?”

    Never, if I have the choice. (more…)

  • Of Beauties and Beasts

    tiara 2My daughter and I are currently in a production of the show Beauty and the Beast at LifeHouse, a local community theater.  The heroine of our version is named Rose, not Belle; otherwise the story tracks pretty well with the story you know.

    An open letter to my daughter…

    Daughter of My Heart,

    Since we started this show together, I have noticed a lot of flak out in Cyberland against the Beauty and the Beast story.  Most of it centers on the idea that Rose (Belle, Beauty, whatever you wanna call her) is a bad role model for young women, because she falls in love with the Beast (sort of the epitome of the “Bad Boy”) in the hopes of changing him.  In the Christian world, we call that missionary dating; in the secular world, it’s just stupid and codependent. (more…)

  • A Real Grind

    DisposalOur garbage disposal died.

    To fully grasp my sadness, you must understand that the garbage disposal is one of my all-time favorite household appliances.  It has one, simple purpose—to eat—and it does that exceedingly well.  It does not seek to glorify itself—no, it stays out of sight under the sink, bothering no one and taking up no precious counter space.  It doesn’t need bright colors or fancy names or hand embroidered covers.  It just wants to make my life better by consuming everything in the kitchen that annoys or disgusts me. (more…)

  • Loretta

    Broken CarBroken AC.

    Broken door locks.

    Broken door.

    Broken window.

    My car has issues. (more…)

  • Life Matters

    If you asked my students, they would tell you it’s typecasting…Scrooge

    I get to play the role of Ebenezer Scrooge at LifeHouse, the theater my family has sort of made our second home.   I am stepping into the show for the final weekend of its run, as the main Scrooge is unavailable.  I am pleased to say that I was their top choice for the part after they were turned down by everyone else they asked.

    Well, now, that’s not quite true…

    Actually, yeah, it kinda is. (more…)

  • Give Thanks

    Cajun TurkeyThis week, I hope you’ll enjoy some excerpts from my book Thanksgiving for the Dad-Man.  It’s a book aimed specifically at—as you might guess—dads.  Still, it’s for everybody.  In it, you’ll find a week’s worth of devotions that take you up to and through the holiday.  There are also some great recipes and ideas to make family memories at Thanksgiving.

    If you find that, after reading the excerpts, you simply must have the full book, click here and knock your socks off.