Is it possible to commit optical adultery?
I have been faithful to the same optometrist for 35 years. At age 10 I was, I believe, one of his very first patients. Through college, and moves, and marriage, and kids, I have been a steadfast customer and sustainer of his lavish lifestyle.
You see, my eyes do this weird thing. It’s called not working. (more…)
So, do cars have estrogen?
I know we call them, “She,” like we do with ships. I just wonder—how far does the metaphor go? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure that our van—her name is CocoPuff—is having some sort of hormonal issues.
Perhaps I’m just hypersensitive to this because I am currently surrounded by a number of—how do I say this and not get disemboweled—emotionally shaky ladies. (more…)
I really like eating.
The whole experience. Anticipating that first bite of yummiosity. The way my mouth waters as I smell the food. The burst of taste on my tongue. Delicious, slow chewing. The swallow. The sigh. The occasional discreet belch.
I mentioned a few weeks ago that my Mother-in-Law has cancer. The tumor is in her throat, and treatment combines chemotherapy with radiation targeted at her neck. This combination of radiation and chemotherapy have made it increasingly difficult to eat. For those of you who are unaware—as I, blissfully, was until a month ago—radiation and chemo attack your ability to eat in a nefarious variety of ways. (more…)
Over Protective?
You decide.
You also get to guess where I am sitting as I write this.
My daughter wants to spend the night at a friend’s home. Three girls—two seventeen-year-olds and one fourteen-year-old Princess of My Whole Heart (hereafter referred to as POMWH). My first instinct is to say, “No.” Loudly, emphatically, and with several syllables.
“Nnnuuhhoooooooooooooooooooooowwww.” Like that. (more…)
These are the things I think about when I am supposed to be writing a blog post…come take a dip in my stream of consciousness…
It was a dark and stormy night.
Really.
Twenty years and about six months ago, I rented a sound studio in a converted church. I set a table with candlelight, flowers, and a mediocre meal—made with my own hands, for better or for worse. I waited patiently for a knock on the church door.
Knock. (more…)
Search “Liver Fluke” on YouTube.
Go ahead…I’ll wait.
See what I mean? It’s there. Right on your screen, in the privacy of your home, you can learn how to acquire, detect, identify, treat, and remove a liver fluke in yourself or one of the barnyard animals that look to you for sustenance.
How great is that?
I only ever started because of this blog.
I was a confirmed social media neverwannabe. Facebook, Twitter, Pintrest, Vine, Tumblr, LookI’maweirdo.com—I had no interest in any of them. Too many people with too much time on their hands sharing details of their lives that nobody cares about. And pictures of cats.
Yeah, but then I started this blog. My mentor wanted me to commence tweeting and liking and posting and whatnot. When I told him I wasn’t interested, he asked an important question: (more…)
My mother-in-law has cancer.
Sorry to start off with such a downer, but there it is. It’s pertinent to the rest of this story, so you kinda need to know. And now you do.
Anyway, she was diagnosed about two months ago, and underwent a series of tests to determine the scope of the problem and the best course of treatment. The doctors, concluding that surgery was not a viable option, introduced her to the mind-numbing world of radiation and chemotherapy. In essence, their plan is to bombard her person with all the radiation and unpronounceable chemicals that normal people struggle to avoid. They intend to cure her by making her body such a toxic environment that no self-respecting mutation would want to live there. (more…)
My mom is coming to visit.
I spent the better portion of yesterday in the yard, weeding, hoeing, sweeping, and sweating. My goal was to let Mom see the place looking a little more like a garden and a little less like the Amazon rain forest. I filled five trash cans. Twice. Now, if Mom ventures into my back yard, I don’t have to call Search and Rescue to bring her out. (more…)