Yesterday was my nineteenth wedding anniversary.
I had to work.
Go ahead, send the comments…I know it’s lousy.
I spent the day thinking, “At this moment nineteen years ago, I was packing for our honeymoon. At this moment nineteen years ago, I was getting dressed for the wedding. At this moment nineteen years ago, my best man was driving me to the ceremony…and here I sit in a meeting.”
In my defense, Cathy agreed that I should work. I’m a teacher, and after a long dry summer we need the cash. But still.
Husbanding is hard, and frankly I need to put more effort into it. I do OK in certain areas, but when it comes to Romance and Gifts, I’m a yutz. That is one of the reasons for this blog—I have all of you to keep me accountable and offer advice. Please do—perhaps it’s time you started earning your keep, hmm…?
Romance takes time, of which I am always in short supply. That’s not an excuse; it just is. I was pretty good at this stuff when I was younger, but now I often succumb to the Tyranny of the Urgent. There is always something else that needs my attention, and Cathy gets left out. It also doesn’t help that, being male and female, our ideas of romance differ somewhat.
There is a book called The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. It’s been around a while; if you haven’t read it, do.
Gary and I have a love/hate relationship, though he doesn’t know about it. I love him because he points out the problems I need to deal with. I hate him because he points out the problems I need to deal with. Chapman’s theory is that there are five basic ways in which people give and receive love—through words, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and touch. “Gifts” ranks near the top of Cathy’s list, and at the bottom of mine. Do you see the problem here?
The crux of it is this: the thing that would best demonstrate to my bride that I love her is the thing that I am least likely to do.
Well, that’s just great.
Let me clarify that Cathy is not looking for lavish, expensive gifts—though I’m sure she would appreciate it if she ever got one. To my
bride, the gift is simply a way of showing her that I am thinking about her, and that I know her well enough to understand what would please her. That means I have to pay, not money so much, but attention. I’m bad at that.
So, here I sit. I want to live a life, “Worthy of the calling.” I have been called by God to be a husband, and I want to be a husband worthy of the name. My bride certainly deserves it. It seems I have two options–bemoan my loserliness and thank God that I have a wife that is willing to put up with it, or fix the problem.
Here’s my pledge–I’m going to tell my wife I love her in the way she’s wired to hear it. I’m going to start paying a lot of attention, and a little cash, and romancing my bride. I’ll let you know how I’m doing, from time to time. Feel free to hold my feet to the fire.
And how are you doing with this business? Do you know how the person you love most is wired to receive love? If you don’t, it’s time to find out. Get the book, watch her, find an online test–figure it out. Once you know, commit to telling her that you love her–in her love language–once a week for the next month.
If you’re willing, sign on with me. Step up, and see what God does.
Philippians 1:9 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight…